Purple Chasm

Exposure Therapy

April 28, 2009 at 11:55 pm (Adult Child of Alcoholic, alcoholism, childhood abuse, Disfunctional Family, Grief and Grieving, recovery) (date rape, Disfunctional Family, exposure therapy, healing, recovery, therapy)

WARNING: Some explicit material here that is relevant and directed toward healing…

This is what my counsellor called it when I said I wanted to heal from the damage done from an abusive boyfriend when I was 17. I thought we were just making out but he took it too far and “stole my virginity.” (Let’s say it that way because I’m having a hard time with writing the “R” word) They call it “Date Rape” now.

Anyway, I told her the details and she may have been the first person I’ve ever told. Perhaps I’ve told my husband but I can’t remember. And she listened and cared and called him a jerk and it felt good to call him that. Shame on him, she said and it felt good to put that on him. I’ve been carrying it around for so long.

So we talked about it for an hour, and then I concluded that I wanted to write a letter to him and then burn it. Ohhh…that felt good for me: the idea of letting it out, letting it go. The writing a letter part, errr, not so easy to do…the burning part, I will enjoy that.

And so that is my task within the next couple weeks. I’ll do that and it’ll be one step towards letting go of all this grief that I am carrying around.

How is this situation related to my alcoholic/co-dependant parents? They didnt’ protect me before or after it happened and when my behaviour changed and I was really suffering with no one to turn to, they just let me fall and fall and fall. I blame them. Surely, they would blame their parents, and on and on and on…but still…all we parents make choices and I chose not to be a negligent parent. They could have chosen the same.